Things Christian Slater Says Over and Over While Looking in the Mirror Pretending to be Jack Nicholson

Things Christian Slater Says Over and Over While Looking in the Mirror Pretending to be Jack Nicholson

Foosball
Benihana
Captain America
Pituitary Gland
Cantilever Bridge
Simple Simon
Rastafarian
Oompa-Loompa
Paso Robles
Ginkgo Biloba

Diceman Rap

DICEMAN RAP

Every day is not nice, you roll the dice
Leave your house, slip on some ice
Fourteen years later, your bones are better
Been laying low in Miami cause it's better weather
Diceman cometh and Diceman goeth
Drew's gonna be back with jokes to showeth
My mind is clear, the ladies are near
My rhymes are wicked, hey gimme a beer
I may be a Drew but that ain't nothing new
Lox and bagels is what you gotta do
The time is now and Dice is on the prowl
Dust off the jacket with an unwanted towel
Been working on dick jokes while my kid does math
Triangles and quadrants don't make me laugh
In a couple a months I'm headed back to Queens
Sicka these palms, you know what I means?

Brainslip Style Guide: The Panama Hat

Ladies, do you feel that heat, day in and day out? I think it's safe to say that it is indeed Panama season. No matter your face, head shape or skin tone, there's a Panama hat just right for you! Show Mr. Right that you've got a wild side with this fashion accessory that is true and tried!

Michael and Me

I remember Michael and I miss him dearly. We had some amazing times at the Ranch. I was driving to Gelson's today and got thinking about one afternoon up there. It was a hot day and we decided to go horseback riding. We froze our Ssips juiceboxes so they'd still be cold when it was time to drink them. Michael let me borrow some shorts because my parents refused to let me wear shorts out of the house. A half hour into the ride we stopped for a minute. Michael saw some acorns and just had to stop and collect them. I snacked on my Triscuits and waited patiently. A noisy jet was overhead and I was following him with my binoculars. All of the sudden I heard a scream and turned around. Michael was on the ground. His leg was swelling up. It looked like 1,000 bees stung him. Michael never told me he was allergic to bees. McCauley, get the epinephrine from the saddle, he shouted. I ran over and found the shot and began to pull Michael's pants down. No, not in the butt, in the thigh, dummy, Michael yipped. I shoved the needle in him and he let out a sigh of relief. Man, what a crazy day. Goodbye Michael, I miss you so fucking much.

-M.C.

Ghetto Vampire

Learned about this guy researching public housing vampire folklore.

People On The Phone Right Now With Their Best Friend Talking Anout How Good Last Night's Whoopee Was

Recent studies have shown that whoopee is still significant in the lexicon of today. In fact, a buncha folks just made sweet whoopee last night. Who are they? These people:

Lisa Marie Presley
Eddie Murphy
Bill Clinton
Roseanne
Billy Bob Thornton
Whoopi Goldberg
Kirstie Alley
Tyra Banks

2007 In Review: Tha Official Page Of Tha Fly Native $ly $inna

"Tha Official Page Of Tha Fly Native $ly $inna"
http://www.myspace.com/slysinna
























"Nigga Please"
http://www.myspace.com/spoogelobber

























"RU Serious"
http://www.myspace.com/brinkadelic




















"BREED THA LOCUS!!"
http://www.myspace.com/breedthalocust






























"YUNG SNAP HOE!"
http://www.myspace.com/djsnap970





























"Bee-Diamin aka Da Bee Stang"
http://www.myspace.com/blackdiamin07

Dungeons & Daltons

image courtesy Mike Reddy


Continuing the series of arbitrary city rankings, Brainslip is proud to present to you...

CITIES PART IV: Dungeons & Daltons


CITIES WITH A HIGH PERCENT OF THE POPULATION LOCKED IN BASEMENT DUNGEONS AGAINST THEIR WILL
Indianapolis: 2%
St Louis: 3%
Jacksonville: 4%
Columbus: 2%
El Paso: 1%
Oklahoma City: 5%
Fresno: 3%
Tulsa: 1%
Riverside: 0.5%
Tempe: 2%


CITIES WITH HIGH RATES OF TOOTHLESSNESS
Boulder: 3.5%
Lansing: 2%
Cedar Rapids: 1.5%
St. Petersburg: 1%
Las Vegas: 2%
Knoxville: 4%
Winston-Salem: 3%
Reno: 3%


CITIES WHERE PATRICK SWAYZE MAY ACTUALLY BE HIDING OUT INSTEAD OF BEING DEAD
Colorado Springs
Anchorage
Wichita
Akron
Spokane
Oxnard
Tallahassee
Fort Lauderdale

God's Name in Scifi Movies

God's Name in Scifi Movies

T'on
Kroe
Fjorn
EeeE
Qxxot
Siile
Worlor
Elkar
Pelqwo
Sarn
Tlalb
Zuuoa
Kaia
Manaro
Shee'n
Or'nor
Borqk
Ch'zar

Mmm K?

Mmm K?

Krunch
Kost
Krispy
Kool
Kramps
Krackle
Korner
Kar
Kanker
Krime
Krave
Kanon
Kozy

Tossers vs. Teasers: Subconscious Subtleties and the Feminine Mystique

Tossers
Nearly all toss without thinking. The hair toss creates distraction, drawing attention to the tosser in the subtlest of manners. On whose behalf is the tossing done? Tosser or tossee?

Tanglers
The tangler is a worrier, with a multitude of unresolved issues. All daytime knots are usually untangled during sleep.

Touchers
The toucher is a tactile being, drawn to surfaces of every type. What is the toucher looking for? Oil? Dryness? Curves? Spikes? Cowlicks? The atrophy of symmetry? Proof of perfection?

Teasers
Combination of touchers and tanglers, the teaser category strives for volume. A fluffer of all sorts, the teaser makes that which contains little appear to overflow with substance. A teaser knows what they want and knows how to get it.

Tasters
Half taste when no one's looking, the other half don't even know they are tasting. Nineteenth century analysts believed the root cause to be vitamin deficiency, however this has been disproved as of recent.

Tappers
Scalp tappers and lock tappers are one and the same. The thrill of the vibration keeps their sinuous-seeking senses alive. A skilled tapper can cause a tug with one hand. A typical tapper is well versed in the history of all forms of Jazz music.

Ticklers
Another hybrid category. A mesh of touchers, tappers, and tossers. The tickler is the ultimate public masturbator, constantly bored in the company of others. One quick tickle is never enough. It is not uncommon for a neck or shoulder tickle session to last upwards of 90 minutes. Hair lock ends are usually rounded to nub-like features on the strand scale.

Things Nerds Say Right After Opening the Door and Enter a Huge House Party

Things Nerds Say Right After Opening the Door and Enter a Huge House Party

Let the games begin
Gentlemen, start your engines
We have arrived
Now THIS is a party
Boys, tonight we become men