Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Dungeons & Daltons
image courtesy Mike Reddy
Continuing the series of arbitrary city rankings, Brainslip is proud to present to you...
CITIES PART IV: Dungeons & Daltons
CITIES WITH A HIGH PERCENT OF THE POPULATION LOCKED IN BASEMENT DUNGEONS AGAINST THEIR WILL
Indianapolis: 2%
St Louis: 3%
Jacksonville: 4%
Columbus: 2%
El Paso: 1%
Oklahoma City: 5%
Fresno: 3%
Tulsa: 1%
Riverside: 0.5%
Tempe: 2%
CITIES WITH HIGH RATES OF TOOTHLESSNESS
Boulder: 3.5%
Lansing: 2%
Cedar Rapids: 1.5%
St. Petersburg: 1%
Las Vegas: 2%
Knoxville: 4%
Winston-Salem: 3%
Reno: 3%
CITIES WHERE PATRICK SWAYZE MAY ACTUALLY BE HIDING OUT INSTEAD OF BEING DEAD
Colorado Springs
Anchorage
Wichita
Akron
Spokane
Oxnard
Tallahassee
Fort Lauderdale
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
God's Name in Scifi Movies
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tossers vs. Teasers: Subconscious Subtleties and the Feminine Mystique
Tossers
Nearly all toss without thinking. The hair toss creates distraction, drawing attention to the tosser in the subtlest of manners. On whose behalf is the tossing done? Tosser or tossee?
Tanglers
The tangler is a worrier, with a multitude of unresolved issues. All daytime knots are usually untangled during sleep.
Touchers
The toucher is a tactile being, drawn to surfaces of every type. What is the toucher looking for? Oil? Dryness? Curves? Spikes? Cowlicks? The atrophy of symmetry? Proof of perfection?
Teasers
Combination of touchers and tanglers, the teaser category strives for volume. A fluffer of all sorts, the teaser makes that which contains little appear to overflow with substance. A teaser knows what they want and knows how to get it.
Tasters
Half taste when no one's looking, the other half don't even know they are tasting. Nineteenth century analysts believed the root cause to be vitamin deficiency, however this has been disproved as of recent.
Tappers
Scalp tappers and lock tappers are one and the same. The thrill of the vibration keeps their sinuous-seeking senses alive. A skilled tapper can cause a tug with one hand. A typical tapper is well versed in the history of all forms of Jazz music.
Ticklers
Another hybrid category. A mesh of touchers, tappers, and tossers. The tickler is the ultimate public masturbator, constantly bored in the company of others. One quick tickle is never enough. It is not uncommon for a neck or shoulder tickle session to last upwards of 90 minutes. Hair lock ends are usually rounded to nub-like features on the strand scale.
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